a shot of the truth!

I had forgotten the whole "shots with your physical" scene. I have older ones that haven't cried over a shot for some time now. We go to get shots now and there is a lot of joking around, teasing and push-ups involved. But Scotty hasn't had shots in a while.. or at least that's what it feels like.

I knew today he was going for his physical for up coming pre-school, but when I handed over the immunization record, my stomach started to hurt for what I was about to do.

I can't tell you how many times I've done this. I have 4 kids. and 4 kids multiplied by "X" amount of physicals you get 2, 336,987 times I've had to do this.

and EACH TIME, right before the sweet nurse, that you wanna find fault with, comes in with her tray of needles I start thinking of how I can show my kids how much I love them.

Numbering off on my fingers ...I get in their face, I wipe their tears, I get down by their ear while I'm holding them down and speak in slow, deep voice to try and calm them down, praying that when this is all over they will still love me.

4 shots, 2 in each arm, a TB test and a finger prick today. After the TB test was over so was any silence left in the building.. he saw the other shots and put it together.. he knew what was coming. p.s. he's a strong little sucker. =/

after the crying, screaming, and gnashing of teeth stopped he *also must have put it together that he knew at that exact moment he could get anything out of me.. including a pony if he knew to ask for it.. but instead I consoled him, wiped his face, told him I loved him SOOOO much and told him how great of a job he did, and asked if he was okay... to which he replied, still whimpering ... "I want an ice cream".

Today was the only day I wished I had an ice cream maker in my car. So I zipped to the nearest Wendys and got that boy a chocolate frosty ice cream.

*I asked if they had a pony to put on top, but no dice* ;) j/k

in the end, the older kids remembered only getting a .... what did they call it????? oh! that's right!!! A LOUSY SUCKER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

aaaaahhhh to be 3 again. Happy Tuesday peeps!

NO SLEEP TILL.. I would say Brooklynn.. but ...

Sickness swept through my home this week.
some diagnosed...
Runny noses
fevers
scary coughs
even scarier athsma

some undiagnosed...
craziness
insanity
loony

Here is the definition of SLEEP. Which now reading it never really applies to Moms. I feel I should include the definition of ZOMBIE in here as well, sometimes I feel that is a little more appropriate for Mommyhood. I believe every Mom has an undiagnosed case of narcolepsy at some point when raising kids.

sleep
n.
1 a. A natural periodic state of rest for the mind and body, in which the eyes usually close and consciousness is completely or partially lost, so that there is a decrease in bodily movement and responsiveness to external stimuli. During sleep the brain in humans and other mammals undergoes a characteristic cycle of brain-wave activity that includes intervals of dreaming

NOW, here is the definition of DEPRIVED

de-prived
adj.
1. Lacking in advantage, opportunity, or experience



now take your fingers and push the two words together and WHAAALAA! you gotta sleep deprived zombie mom cleanin' house all day long. =)


sleep deprived ain't pretty and that's why you get no picture of me. =)

So, yes. there is a picture of the clock reading 3:05am. because for some reason when I came down stairs to get myself a glass of water I also, almost automatically, picked up my camera and started snapping shots of the clock. Maybe in disbelief? maybe because seeing the time on the clock displayed on the camera was like pinching myself somehow?? but then I knew why. I knew I would want to remember this horrible night forever. Why? you ask. I think I started to allow myself to ask the same thing but half way through my own question I realized because some day I won't have nights like these. 2 things! 1) I can breathe a sweet sigh of relief knowing that. 2) it brings tears to my eyes that my baby won't always want me to comfort him at 3 in the morning.

so looking at these photos... call me a crazy snapper, crazy wife, crazy mom or call me all 3 but I know I will miss this, which is why I felt, with all my heart, it HAD to be documented.

Good night!

so lucky this is my life

I get this.. allllllll day.
blessed by laughs, giggles, kisses, meltdowns, thristy's, hungry's, hugs, muddy shoes, dirty feet, squeezes, "Mama read me this book" blessings ALLL DAY.

this is the life.

WHY I JUMP..

I don't know when we stop jumping.
In puddles, for joy, in the grass, on the hopscotch...

I don't know when we stop skipping.
to my lou, down the street, holding hands.

I don't know when and I don't know why. These things are a little harder on my knees now then they were back then but they are so worth while. We need to do it more. more often.

Jump. ...... go on. Do IT! and feel the joy!

JUMP. FOR. JOY.

We only live ONCE.

heart so full.

I cannot give God enough praise for what has happened over this last week.

I can't imagine it gets ANY better than this. God is moving everywhere! EVERY.WHERE.

I know I'm gonna struggle in this post. Struggle to get the words out to really describe how blessed I feel. right now the only thing that comes to my mind is ...

MY.CUP.RUNNETH. **WAY**. OVER.

I have been keeping ... sort of a personal journal of the blessings and prayers since I've started a 40 day fast with my, home church, Crossroads.

But this is one...THIS blessing... I've decided HAD to be let out of the vault.

THE END & A LITTLE OF THE BEGINNING <3 ....

LOVE cubed.

I was able to fall in love more than once. I can tell you the time I fell in love with my then boyfriend, now husband... and each time when I laid eyes on my babies when they were born.
I am thankful for each awesomely beautiful child I have, they are all creative, neat, funny, smart, compassionate, loving, generous, elbow ribbing pieces of me. So fearfully and wonderfully made.
But I'm gonna go on about my little man for a minute... or two. Cause he's my baby. They are all my babies.. but he's my *BABY* baby. The last one...and I kinda get way sentimental about that.
He is so full of life. So loving. His little chubby hands, bitten finger nails, scratched up arms from eczema. I crave the moments he shouts out "Mom, I love you so much." The 3 year old boy he is is undeniable. Unmistakable. He's thrown rocks, climbed sinks, played in water when he wasn't supposed to, has eaten two extra cupcakes past his limit, screamed out at an octave only dogs should be able to hear, melted down... like way WAY down, pulled his sisters hair, sometimes doesn't share, but at the end of his crazy fun filled mishevious day I get to hug him up, cuddle him, stroke the side of his head when he lays his head on my lap, put my ear to his sleeping body and listen to his tiny beating heart... I'm the one that gets slammed into when he hits like a mini mac truck when he runs into my arms, or jumps from his highest place and the tallest tower. He shows me so much love... and what's important

I have to be honest... for a while and even a bit now .. when I attend church I have a bit of a hard time getting him to let go and stay with the sweet people that take care of the kids at child care... and It's breaking my heart that it's getting easier for him. I'm happy ... but realizing certain things are coming to and end.

I worked so hard to get out of diapers... who knew I would think of diapers so fondly as I do now.

All I can do each day is embrace him, his growing personality, and love him because I know he will never be 3 years 1 month and 20 days again. and because... he's quite the yokester.

build your kingdom here .... in my heart

I can't encourage you enough to press play and love it.



or this one.. =)


I saw Francis Chan tonight, and the Rend Collective. and I am so ........

at a loss of words for how I'm feeling right now. I've never felt like this before. Where I can't describe myself in some sort of way and feel accurate about the words I was using.

Im gonna try and do what happened tonight some justice, but I know I won't even come close.

The music was phenomenal, seriously.SERIOUSLY. out of this world cosmic. The Rend Collective (and I can't think of anyone else to compare them to) is like the Christian, Jesus passionate, make me forget any and all of my inhibitions, throw my hands in the air and sing at the top of my lungs band that sounds like a cross of Mumford & Sons and Kings of Leon. They are an Irish band that made part of one of their songs "Yes, Jesus loves me" (yeah, remember that song from when you were a kid) into a rock/indie song... and their passion, the way they play their instruments and sing is just...... DRIPPING WITH LOVE. the energy, the drums, the passion (again) I could feel in my own pulse. I know sounds cliche and cheesy... but I really can't think of any other way to explain it. *see.. I told you*

and then that wasn't even the best part. The best part came when I saw a man stand before a church packed full of people and for-go his planned message that he had been sharing for the last several nights and pray in front of us and ask for God to lead his heart and words. In his prayer he said "use my mouth and fill them with your words". Maybe that's why I feel so transformed, so wrapped in love, and so purposeful. I used to struggle with "my purpose". I think everyone does at some point. You know, why I am here? what is my purpose? what am I meant to do here on earth? At some point in my life I resolved that my purpose were my kids. Of course, right? OF COURSE.

Until tonight. When I heard that my prayers are just like that of Elijah's. My prayers carrying the same power and weight as a man that stood on Mount Carmel and prayed for fire from the sky in 1 Kings 18. While my purpose of why Im at where I'm at today is to raise my beautiful babies I also felt a deeper purpose, a stronger pull, a feeling of almost like knowing the reason I was born. .... I understand that is a bold statement but I can't put any other words to it. My thoughts about this are running wild but my heart feels planted with deep roots and is at some sort of peace. ... and to be honest all I can do is smile. I listened tonight and figured out my most ultimate goal, my purpose. Not only am I called to be obedient to God's will but to lead by example to my husband, kids, family, friends, community by being a servant of God in such a way that it would harvest a bigger, deeper, and stronger love and impact in my children than I could ever fathom.. and in doing this my sweet babies would grow up to be Men of God and a God fearing woman that would leave a bigger spiritual footprint in the world that would surpass anything I ever did.

and in this, as said tonight, being disciples of God, moving out of our comfort zone, leaving the words and dangerous situations to God we bring fire from the sky.