listen

ever listen to something & feel something so strongly it kinda scared you?
didn't know what it was. no label for it.
but it was strong enough to make you cry.
bring tears to your eyes.
overwhelmed with emotion.
made you think of people you haven't thought of in a while. People you thought you'd forgotten, or had faded? People you didn't have the opportunity to know. People that you did know and don't talk to anymore. People that are the closest to you. People from your past. People that were your friends that aren't anymore. People that want to be there for you, that you won't let in completely. People that share your DNA.

you listened and felt so strongly you wanted someone else to feel it too, so you could see their reaction... to know what you were feeling was real. did they feel it too? the same way? could someone else understand you on that level?
a place, within myself, so foreign how could I possibly make anyone else understand it?

maybe if you just listen you can feel the same thing.
listen to the same thing I am and maybe you can see what Im talking about .
listen to it in its entirety.
listen because you wont regret the feeling it gives you.

otherwise its just me listening.
and that's okay too.

Wake up

Last night I drove to Starbucks.
I drove when it was dark. after 9pm i think.
it seemed really dark to me.
the only thing that lit the fields around me was the Moon.
it was beautiful.
I felt something.

there is something to be said about the glow of the moon on the dark earth around you.
a metaphor.
the way it feels.
It has this way of illuminating things in an entirely different way.

When I went to bed I fell asleep looking at the moon from my window.

I woke up this morning to Scotty's little chubby hand on my face. He was rubbing my face gently. I opened up my comforter, moved over, he climbed up.Made his way in my bed & nestled in. I closed my eyes to just lay there. He put his hand on my face again. I opened my eyes to look at him. He smiled with his little bright white teeth, and gave me a dozen kisses.

How blessed am I to wake up this way?
For this to be my wake up call?

As much as I wanted to make that moment last forever, I couldn't.

this morning stays apart of me forever. It makes my days better. I makes my perspective clearer, makes my grass greener.

When I got up my pillow was wet.... alas not from drool this time, but from tears.

soakin' up the sun

shish kebobs (i know that isn't the right spelling, however that is the way I say it), WHAMO!slip n' slides from the 70's, dirty corn, bbq'd corn, Sheryl Crow, lawn chairs,ice water, beach house, manicures, pedicures, kids writing creative stories,Scotty taking his nap, Scotty giving Sophia a hug, Sophia patting Scotty on the back,Little Monsters, chocolate bundt cake,lemonhead flavored iced cream, staying connected with old friends, making new ones, reading tutorials, Shane's long hair & smile, Shane playing his guitar, Seth sitting in my lap, Rozzy dancing around the living room, Danny after a shower, princess dresses, soaking up the sun.......documenting all this through photography makes me feel on top of the world.

what keeps me cool

How are you staying cool this summer?
snowcones, ice creams, sprinklers, pools, diving boards, floaties, marco polo, babies in little swimmers, two pieces, boardshorts, bathing suit cover ups, sun tan oil, sunscreen, hot dogs, potatoe salad, drinks from the water hose, mowing the lawn at 9pm at night, popcorn, fresh fruit, carnivals, county fairs, windmills, cotton candy, late night scrapbooking, camera snapping, big sticks, sticky fingers, iced tea, grape soda, wind storms, thunderstorms, lightning, rain, humidity so high you sweat when you breathe, smiley faces, peekaboo with the curliest head of hair ever, chubby baby hands and arms wrapped around my neck, beach towels, smothered ribs, barbeque filled napkins in wads all over the table, boat rides, raft rides, fishing, swimming in the lake, fireworks, grapes growing on the vine in my back yard, sharing them with family, big flowers in your hair, cartwheels, family washing the cars, laying around the air conditioned house, watching movies to stay cool, going to the bowling alley to stay cool, home projects, Rachael Ray, Martha Stewart, Real Simple, magazines galore, finding the right shades, swapmeet, beach house, woodfloors, open windows, blowing kisses, dancing, Jack Johnson, blow up pools, scooters, bikes, yardsales, steak picado, sand digging, cold showers, wonderous smelling shampoo, conditioners and body wash, smooth shaven legs, lip gloss, butterflies, hummingbirds, lizards, having the fan on, forever 21, sarcasm, naptime, reading, barnes n noble, making plans, being bored, sushi, fresh clean table cloths, Joanns, Michaels, coupons, dirty jokes, collecting eggs from the chicken coop, ice chests, ice cold soda pop, never ending supply of ice, lemon, tapatio, umbrellas, lawn chairs, beach chairs, play pen, clorox wipes, lysol wipes, Ikea, shoes, long dresses, short dresses, big earrings, lotion, thrift stores, facebook, blog, mascara, nail polish, detangler, apron, white christmas lights on the patio,bird feeder, friends, family, my babies........Danny.................making new memories.

H.O.T.

I saw a man today.
He was walking from his truck, where he had tools.
It was 3 o'clock in the afternoon.
It looked like he was going to do maintainance on a vacant house.

Go inside.
go be cool inside.
get outta this heat.
dont work right now.
people are passing out.
having heat strokes.
stop working.
just..... stop working.

It was the HEAT of the afternoon.
the heat.
it was so hot.
so hot that you didn't even have to have the sun directly touching you to make you feel like your skin was burning. to make you feel like it was on fire.

I haven't felt that in a long time.
so hot, your head pounds, and your blood pressure goes up.
everything is under a magnifying glass.

a magnifying glass that burns ants in the sun.

and Im the ant.

So hot that it feels like you can't drink enough water.
you can't get your hands on enough ice.
all you can think about is swimming because running through the sprinklers wont satisfy the cool down your looking for.
so hot it doesn't matter that you have the air conditioning on in the house it still feels like Hades.
you still sweat in the creases of your arms and behind your knees when you sit down.
so hot that you promise yourself that instead of a hot shower **tonight! you take a COLD shower!**

the boy

There is a boy.
A boy that is sweet.
a gentleman.
a boy who knows the latest slang & fashion.....
but opens the door for a lady.
who plays video games
but laughs and jokes with adults.

his heart is pure.
his soul is old fashioned.
from another time.

This boy hurts when you hurt.
he's compassionate.
he's a lover. not a fighter.
he's a hard worker.
and he genuinely wants happiness. for everyone.

All of these things is what separates this boy into being a young man.
A young man who's heart desires the right things.
things that are just & hard to stand up for.
It makes me extremely proud and honored that this young man is
my brother.

I love you Joseph.
since the day you were born.

her

when the silence is deafening, what do you do?
i hear typing.
the T.V in the background but it all seems so insignificant.

the lump in my throat is screaming to get out.

not being able to find the right words are choking me. my family.
trying to understand is more confusing.
the world is shaking.
the room is spinning.
our hearts are restless.
God is preparing us for something bigger. ....................

but... it feels like .....there is nothing bigger than this moment

time is so slow. was it meant to be this slow? right now?

Im so sorry. Im so so sorry.
im so sorry this is happening. that it ended this way.
my heart breaks for you. for her.
(for whom ever "her" is) there are so many different people that fit "her" in this situation.

to loose a child.
to loose a sister.
to loose someone who brought you into this world.
to loose.

i've not had to loose any of those things and couldn't fathom the pain, emptiness, desvastation that comes with loosing those things.

All I can do is cry for all the "hers".
my heart breaks for hers.

I'm so sure.

sometimes i dont have it all figured out.
when im not always so certain.
there are mornings when I wake up and wonder "what the heck am I doing here.in Lake Elsinore? married? with 4 kids? being a stay at home mom? giving up or sacrificing the old things that made me happy.. or made me *ME*?"

The house is'nt aways clean.the phone bill isn't always paid.... sometimes we live paycheck to paycheck. the kids cry, we don't ever get a date night....

Can you imagine a life.. where everything was just easy?you know,where you ask for things & people just bring them to you?
It sounds wonderful,&....I think about it too...

I wonder what kind of life I would've had if I hadn't married you.

And then i realize I've just erased all the things in my life that I'm sure about. You & the kids.
Things I am **so.sure.about**

the fab 30

 

Mary & Robert knows what it takes to stay married 30 years.

They both agree it works with a lot of "YES DEAR" & sweet treats.
**(baked & non-baked)**

sometimes, as you can see from one of their photos, all they need is a little peace & quiet.

Mary & Robert; whatever it took you to get here... to 30 years...&still be this in love & mad about each other ... the world needs more of it.

what an inspiration to couples, like myself, who have only been married 10 years.

these crazy kids are in it for the long haul!

Congratulations on 30 fabulous years of marriage... here's to 30 more
xo, S

how sweet

 

How over joyed and blessed are the parents of Alyssa Marie... a.k.a Miss Aly.
so tiny. so wrinkly. so pink. so alert. so wonderous. so beautiful. so miraculous.
God never has a design that goes wrong but, BOY! did he get it so right when he made precious little babies.


Through baby pee,poo,barf,gas,food splatter,spilled milk or sticky juice,sleepless nights,sleep deprivation,saying "no" a million times and one, diapers,bottles,stains,puke smell and everything in between you end up with this. a TINY little *this* that makes your world go 'round and is candy for everyone else.

Cassie & Mike..thanks for satisfying my sweet tooth.