the great wall

angry blog? i get angry. I get upset. I get hurt feelings. Usually after a short period of time i realize it was nothing to ruffle my feathers over to begin with.. It all looks pretty silly after some time has passed. but when im in the moment I can't have the right perspective when Im in conflict. which may be the reason I should stop typing? or i should keep typing to see how ridiculous I sound upset? thats a tough call for me. ummmmmmmmmm... in the spirit of not having the right state of mind to make logical decisions I will continue to blog. yay! I am sure there are many that have traveled this path before me. like an old worn out dirt path in a beautiful green field the path is there from the feet that have shuffled, walked, ran, skipped, marched, and crawled. i am not the only one to build up walls and then have trouble tearing them down. I get this knot in my stomach that travels up to my throat when i think about those walls and how i need so desperately to tear them down.. but my heart, as a defense mechanism, seems to be building faster than I can take down one stone at a time. My flesh tells me there is nothing else I need more in this world more than this wall. this wall is my shield, protector, friend, it keeps me safe,warm, and dry from the storm and the coolness of the stones, that it is made of, provides shade & cools me when the heat comes.I rest easy against my wall knowing what is on the other side can't get me. what ever it is on the other side cant go through a stone wall, and although I am working harder and faster than ever to keep pulling stones down ... the wall seems to be getting higher.. not just unable to go through stone but not over the wall or around. I am a prisoner to my own wall. I am the warden with no keys. I kneel inside my cell and pray for Gods transcending love. I pray that God gives me a heart the opposite of my wall. Because God's love is the only thing that can make my wall come down.