I live for...

I held my babies yesterday. I wanted to blog about it last night but I knew my sappy blog would go on and on. so... i decided to do it this morning. I held my baby yesterday. my 14 month old baby boy. wow... he's 14 months old. Its not like I didn't know how old he is ... its just for some reason he reached 14 months old quicker than any of the other kids. but i held him yesterday, and he let me. he let me hold him. He just started walking about a month ago. so he's a wiggly worm always pushing off of me to get down or get to his loot box (his Dad). but yesterday he just layed on me. For more than 45 seconds. and for the first 45 seconds I wondered when it would end and if he was sick, not feeling well. but then i realized I had just wasted those first 45 seconds. the next 20 seconds i rubbed my cheek against the top of his head & squeezed him as tight as I could, without suffocating him. then he wanted down. I live for those 65 second moments.

My sweet princess is going to be 6 years old this year. We tease about how small she is. She weighs about 35 pounds and most of it is her hair. She has a mop head. at times she is so mature. we also tease that she is a 43 year old trapped in a 5 year olds body. she sat next to me on the couch the other day and put her head on my arm. I didnt want to move and scare her away like a lizard. i sat very still and just enjoyed that I needed her as much as she needed my arm. My heart is joyful but it also hurts to think of her growing up. I live for the moments she rests her head on my arm.

Shane my middle son is such a lover. he is the most exceptionally compassionate, loving, affectionate boy you may ever meet. I have a couple different nick names for Shane. Shane-bug and snuggly-bear. For some reason he calls me his 'ham-bear'. i don't even want to know why. nevertheless he is the one who always wants to cuddle. he wants to snuggle with pillows and blankets. He has so much love inside of him that he literally might go crazy if he doesn't share it with someone.. im so glad he sometimes chooses me. He's the kid when i drop him off infront of the school that still kisses me in front of his friends and yells back 'i love you mom! have a good day!'. i love for the moments when he is my snuggly-bear.

my oldest son is quite big. well of course the biggest of all the others, which makes him quite big to me. by the end of this year he will be taller than me. which some would say is not much of a challenge. but to me thats just nutty. he will still come sit in my lap and curl up in to this huge ball and say in this weird baby alien voice 'Mom, hold me. im your baby too". now as silly as this looks and sounds and actually is.... my eyes can't help but get blurry from enormous tears in my eyes that im trying to hold back. i'm laughing when he is doing this and i'm short of breath but my heart is breaking inside. this is my baby. and I can't help but cry even as I type this. I live for the moments when i hear his weird baby alien voice.

God blesses me with the 65 seconds, the head on my arm, cuddling, and a weird baby alien voice. I am so grateful God has blessed me with an abundance of these moments.