day 6 of {365}

Im tired.
I run errands
I have 4 kids
my husband works outta town
I dont cook a 3 course meal everynight
ive given my kids cereal for dinner
I dont put away laundry right way.. or even after 2 days of sitting in a basket.
i feel overwhelmed
under qualified
and inadequate at times...
but then I get a photo like this and nothing else matters
everything seems SO. SO. worth it.

day 5 of {365}

he was waiting for me to pick him up from school, leaning against this thing... he looked so cool.. so grown up.

I believe this photo with all my heart.
inside.............. there is HIGH VOLTAGE.
I love my 10 year old Seth.
we are way too much alike

4 of {365}

 
I chose this as day 4 of {365}
the drop box
taking all kinds of stuff..
love notes
postcards
letters to home
from home
bills
Dear John letters
applications
notices of action
letters of approval
disapproval
financial documents
checks
statement of withdrawls
hate mail
giving itself to be there.... for you.
when you need it.
servicing you by existing.
i feel ya drop box.
i feel ya.

Day 3 of {365}

I am a mostly self-taught photographer. (or choreographer as Shane sometimes says)
with the help of mentors, tutorials, and any information I can read and get my hands on to practice.

I pray for God to always keep that passionate fire in my heart for photography. so far so good. However I pray more that God would use and grow my talent for his kingdom. I want to be a faithful servant with all he has blessed me with.
I pray to bless someone else, some other family with my work. I am so thankful ... .. so very . very . thankful.

p.s. I know my posting of day 3 of {365} comes on today (day 4) ..... eh... it is what it is =)

day 2 of {365}

You would think this little girl, this little 6 year old girl,
beautiful long blonde/brown hair,
infectious smile,
corny laugh,
smart-as-a-whip-little girl
would be sweet as pie.
Just sugar and spice and EVERYTHING nice.
that she would be SO gravy you would wanna "sopp her up with a biscuit".
just better than candy.
and she is.............................................

**SOMETIMES**

dont let her fool you.
She is a pistol.
firecraker.
She's a live one.
She's gotta mind of her own and an attitude to match.

we are working on many things to build her into a beautiful cathedral someday,
but for now... she just works it to her advantage...
I love her..... but she's way too much like her mama

day1 of {365}

I saw a {365} day challenge. You take a photo everyday, for {365} days and journal about each one. I loved the idea so much, and being late in the game, I decided to do it on the blog.

Some of the photos will be of my babies or family, and some will be of strangers, places, things, but they will all be something that impacted my day as a mother or photographer. Or both. I hope you'll enjoy this as much as I think I will.

My baby Scotty isn't so much of a baby anymore. He is a big boy toddler that will start the potty-training process soon. His favorite words are "no", "mine", and "why". His regular activites include climbimg, running from his older siblings, screaming,and trying to edge his way between the kitchen sink and my legs.

His head full of golden curls makes me smile. When he climbs up on my bed or the couch and pulls the covers up i've never felt the want or need to cuddle more. When he claps his hands or dances to Yo Gabba Gabba my heart claps and dances too. My Scotty positively fills my world with the shape of his sunglasses.

beach fun photo challenge

I snapped a photo of my daugther after she ran out of the freezing ocean water and bundled up under a bunch of our towels to get warm. check out other neat beach photos at www.iheartfaces.com



for more fun beach photos check out:

FOR THE MOMS

For the Moms who are and who are to be

For the Moms
that have smart mouthed kids (they have your attitude you know)
who eat you outta house and home.
that do homework until its dark and past everyone's bedtime.
that have headaches and pop tylenol, advils, or excedrins to keep going.
For the Moms who have more than one cup of coffee a day... or who always just try to finish the "one" cup.
For the Moms
who hear the words "I hate you"
and that break up disagreements, scuffles & rough housing
that visit the orthepedist more than any Mother should
who sit in the emergency room with a baby that has a 103 temperature
or a steam room with a baby who is congested with flem.
For the Moms who answer the phone with a screaming baby in the background.
For the Moms
who can change their tone of voice from 'rage at the kids' to 'sweet as pie' when they answer the phone.
who say no to candy and soda
who tell you "your eyes will stay that way if you keep crossing them"
who give you hand sanitizer and insist you wash up before dinner.
who wipe their son's face with a wet wash rag while he's barfing in the toliet.
For the Moms
that take clean clothes to their pee-pee pants kindergartener
who make their kids do homework and reading before play
that enforce respect to their elders and manners at any and all dinner tables.
who wash load upon load of laundry to no avail.
who mop the floor only to stay clean for 26 minutes.
who cooks in the summer and heats up the house and hear everyone complain to feed her kids.
who bakes cupcakes, and sweets for her childrens birthdays.
who volunteer their time in classes to help her kids teachers out
who are more involved
For the Moms
that make the beds everday
and makes her kids brush their teeth at least twice a day.
that takes her kids to church
to soccer practice, dance practice or band rehersal.
For the Moms who run around like chickens with their heads cut off.
For the Moms who regulate video game and T.V. time
who plays video games with them
who say "no" and hear the response "your ruining my life"
who forgets to take her apron off when she's talking to the good looking school principal
who doesn't get to shower everyday
For the Moms
who's heart breaks to hear her baby cry because they're hurt
who hear their 2 year old tell her "no" and "mine"
who want to just sit down, read a book and have a glass of wine
who hear their kids cough at night and can't go back to sleep
who hold their babies down for immunizations
For the Moms who cry on the way out from the Dr.'s office
or the first day of school (no matter what grade their starting)
For the Moms
who are advocates for their children.
who recognizes the fact that each child learns differently
who embraces who each one of her kids are
and listens to them play an instrument when it sounds like a cow dying.
For the Moms
who give up sleep
fine jewlery
designer clothes
manicures
pedicures
trying just to put nail polish on at home for pete's sake
hair appointments
routine girlfriend get togethers
scrapbook getaways
and the ability to hold their pee or snort when they laugh too hard...

For the Moms who gave up other dreams to have this dream of being a Mother come true.

For you.

before he left

I had this great blog.

Well I thought it was great.

I thought "if i could just keep these thoughts fresh in my mind I could play them over and over and over again and then it would all flow naturally from my naturally impecable memory...
but then I had kids.
and remembered my impecable memory was at its prime when I could remember the lyrics to 'Ice Ice Baby' ...'my memory' and 'impecable' don't belong in the same sentence anymore... if they did..... why the repetition?

hmmmmm....ginkogoloba is finding a place in my medicene cabinet right now.

Danny came home.
I felt like he was coming home from a really long trip.
He was gone all week.
He works nights.
Its hard on us. Hard on the kids.
After he was home for a few minutes he grabbed my hand.
Pulled me over to him and said he could tell I had been walking.
How sweet of him. such a lie... but how sweet.
cant hate on him for that can I?
I said 'thank you' and we both leaned in for a kiss.
I closed my eyes when we kissed and felt like I hadn't kissed him in weeks. Months.
I felt my eyes welling up with tears.
I didnt know if I should let him see me cry.
So I kissed him like I missed him.
keeping my eyes closed because I knew if I stopped, if I let go.... he would know.
He would know the time apart is getting to me.. .and the time apart has only started. I didn't want him to carry that burden so soon after just leaving for 5 days... and for just coming home.

by the time I opened my eyes it was time for him to go again.
to leave.
but before he went he
did the rest of the laundry
cleaned the kitchen and did the dishes
made us lunch
washed my car
went grocery shopping
put our babies to bed
watered our yards
mounted the dishwasher
played Wii with the kids
slept next to me
and danced with me.
I opened my eyes and it was over.
the next 5 days had already started.

Shane-bug

I dont know how to look at you and ever imagine how I will let you get older.
your birthdays keep coming but I can't ever imagine a day where I will truly celebrate them without some sort of sadness in my heart.

I . LOVE . YOU . SO MUCH MORE THAN YOU COULD EVER IMAGINE.
I see your heart in everything you do.
your gentleness, compassion, your lovingness.

when I think of you im overwhelmed with a feeling of keeping you like you are now, in this moment, forever.

I pray for you to grow in God's love.
to keep all the qualities you have now as my 9 year old boy and carry them with you through adulthodd... qualities so awesome in you now I hope you will teach your children how to love like you do.

you are my Shane-bug
my snuggly-bear
my fish.

I love you so much my heart could explode.
I will forever just want to hold you and cradle you in my arms for as long as you'll let me.
to keep your hand in mine for however long you will hold mine.
you are so awesome and you don't even have to work at it.
it comes naturally to you.. its so easy for you to be so kind.... so easy for people to love you it makes me cry.

i can't help but cry my eyes out and loose my breath thinking of how I can keep these memories forever. to preserve you somehow.

I love that you love nature and God's creations. That you have respect for all life.
you love animals and that you work so hard in school. I love that you love music. that you play the guitar to calm your anxious heart.
I love that you know how to give the best hugs, and that you love to skateboard and dance.
I love that you don't mind being silly with the ones you love most.
I love that you still kiss me goodbye at school and shout " I love you, have a good day!" when I drop you off.
I love that you still want that.
I love that you have this innocence about you that makes you love everyone and everything whole heartedly.


but what I love most of all is that smile you try to hold back when your really happy or excited. you try to hold it back so much that it ends up being the biggest smile ever. it shows your heart and melts everyone elses.

my heart will always be a big melty pool of gooey love for you.

I LOVE YOU AND NO MATTER HOW BIG YOU EVER GET YOU'LL ALWAYS BE MY BABY.

XO times infinity, Mom

FIRST

My babies went back to school this week.
Pencils
paper
erasers
pencil sharpeners
pencil pouches
binders
folders
rulers
notebooks
hand sanitizer
pocket tissues
backpacks
shoes
clothes
lunch pails
baggies
freezer packs
graph paper
a map of the United States
a map of the World
dictionary
thesaurus
binder reminders
post its
all this for the kids, to be prepared. Prepared to go back to school.

and one tissue for me... for the ride back home. because nothing prepares me for how grown up my babies are getting...

on a equally as precious note I had the priveledge of spending some time with Sara, Anthony & baby Luigi... Sara look out... because before you know it you will need a tissue to wipe your eye as you watch him on his first day of school... I love you guys for making such a beautiful baby and for being such beautfiul people ... xoxo

birthdays

every night when my kids go to bed, I usually sneak a peak at them to make sure everyone is covered up, nothing is on the floor obstructing a pathway, pillows are under their heads, and the bathroom night light is on.

I happen to catch a glimpse of their little faces and hands and remember when they used to seem so much smaller. when all they could fit into their teeny tiny hand was my finger.

I could hold them & cradle them in my arms, rock them back and forth and press my cheek next to theirs. take the bottom of my chin and trace the outline of their forehead down to their nose.

but on the night before their birthday, when they go to sleep, waiting to turn the next magical number, I look at them differently.
I look a little longer.
and I cry a little more.
I recall the date and time they were born.
I remember how I felt when I first held them...
I remember their first few weeks of their life..... and how I didn't know it would pass so quickly.
I linger a little more that night. I try and sneak a kiss and a trace of their forehead and nose with the bottom of my chin without waking them up.

I stand in their doorway quietly, trying not to let my tears make too much noise, in astonishment they have grown so fast. I think about all the things I want for them, and then cry more tears knowing the clock is still ticking.

despite the tears...
birthdays are so much fun around here... they are so exciting...
they are always supremely sweet with birthday cake, ice cream & family.

its just the night before the big day that tears me apart.

unknown

when you grieve................................ who or what do you grieve for?

are you grieving for the person who has passed?
are you grieving for the people you love that will feel the loss more than you?
or grieving for not having or taking advantage of the opportunity to spend more time with the person that has passed?

are you grieving over the thought of them not being physically accessible anymore?
not being able to touch them?
or hear thier voice in response to yours?
are we grieving over the loss of that person passing or a combination of these things?
grieving over other broken relationships that death makes you reconsider?
grieving over second, third & fourth chances?
grieving over the changes you know you'll never see in other people?
grieving over the changes you can't bring yourself to make enternally?
grieving over how happy & blue the sky looks in comparison to the dark & hurt your heart feels?

when someone passes you try not to make it about yourself, right? Right.
its not about me when something so serious happens.
or is it?
Death has a fascinating way of making you take a personal inventory.
It has a way of making you reflect on all things. from your earliest childhood memory right up until the present moment.

i guess your heart hurts no matter what your grieving over most.
the death of someone passing is torturous even when you have faith.
loosing someone feels like a huge, strong wave that slams your whole being,your whole exsistence against the ocean floor, dragging your body all over the sand, water going up your nose, the sound of the rush of water over your head tossing you about and filling your ears up with water....keeping in your breath with all of your might........ & for that brief moment, that seems to last forever, not knowing when your gonna to be able to plant both feet back on the ground... regain your balance and stand up to catch your breath..... feels like forever.

we all grieve. in different ways.
some of us fill the silence. some of us like the silence.
some of us eat. some cant muster up the focus to chew and swallow.
some use music. some cry themselves to sleep.
some of us cling to each other. some of us push away & become disengaged.
some of us give chances to relationships that are toxic for us.
some of us look for a get away. while others keep their arms open waiting for them to come back.
some of us laugh. nervously.
some of us bury ourselves in our work, school, family or kids.
some of us seek out counseling, a shoulder to lean on.
some of us hold tight, or return to our faith.

but we all grieve.
and there's a lesson to be learned from each passing.
there is always something to take from the end of someone's life here on earth.
God has a purpose for everyone.
God has a purpose for your grieving.

"Perhaps they are not stars, but openings in the Heaven... Where the love of our lost ones pours through and shines down upon us." - unknown