unknown

when you grieve................................ who or what do you grieve for?

are you grieving for the person who has passed?
are you grieving for the people you love that will feel the loss more than you?
or grieving for not having or taking advantage of the opportunity to spend more time with the person that has passed?

are you grieving over the thought of them not being physically accessible anymore?
not being able to touch them?
or hear thier voice in response to yours?
are we grieving over the loss of that person passing or a combination of these things?
grieving over other broken relationships that death makes you reconsider?
grieving over second, third & fourth chances?
grieving over the changes you know you'll never see in other people?
grieving over the changes you can't bring yourself to make enternally?
grieving over how happy & blue the sky looks in comparison to the dark & hurt your heart feels?

when someone passes you try not to make it about yourself, right? Right.
its not about me when something so serious happens.
or is it?
Death has a fascinating way of making you take a personal inventory.
It has a way of making you reflect on all things. from your earliest childhood memory right up until the present moment.

i guess your heart hurts no matter what your grieving over most.
the death of someone passing is torturous even when you have faith.
loosing someone feels like a huge, strong wave that slams your whole being,your whole exsistence against the ocean floor, dragging your body all over the sand, water going up your nose, the sound of the rush of water over your head tossing you about and filling your ears up with water....keeping in your breath with all of your might........ & for that brief moment, that seems to last forever, not knowing when your gonna to be able to plant both feet back on the ground... regain your balance and stand up to catch your breath..... feels like forever.

we all grieve. in different ways.
some of us fill the silence. some of us like the silence.
some of us eat. some cant muster up the focus to chew and swallow.
some use music. some cry themselves to sleep.
some of us cling to each other. some of us push away & become disengaged.
some of us give chances to relationships that are toxic for us.
some of us look for a get away. while others keep their arms open waiting for them to come back.
some of us laugh. nervously.
some of us bury ourselves in our work, school, family or kids.
some of us seek out counseling, a shoulder to lean on.
some of us hold tight, or return to our faith.

but we all grieve.
and there's a lesson to be learned from each passing.
there is always something to take from the end of someone's life here on earth.
God has a purpose for everyone.
God has a purpose for your grieving.

"Perhaps they are not stars, but openings in the Heaven... Where the love of our lost ones pours through and shines down upon us." - unknown