before he left

I had this great blog.

Well I thought it was great.

I thought "if i could just keep these thoughts fresh in my mind I could play them over and over and over again and then it would all flow naturally from my naturally impecable memory...
but then I had kids.
and remembered my impecable memory was at its prime when I could remember the lyrics to 'Ice Ice Baby' ...'my memory' and 'impecable' don't belong in the same sentence anymore... if they did..... why the repetition?

hmmmmm....ginkogoloba is finding a place in my medicene cabinet right now.

Danny came home.
I felt like he was coming home from a really long trip.
He was gone all week.
He works nights.
Its hard on us. Hard on the kids.
After he was home for a few minutes he grabbed my hand.
Pulled me over to him and said he could tell I had been walking.
How sweet of him. such a lie... but how sweet.
cant hate on him for that can I?
I said 'thank you' and we both leaned in for a kiss.
I closed my eyes when we kissed and felt like I hadn't kissed him in weeks. Months.
I felt my eyes welling up with tears.
I didnt know if I should let him see me cry.
So I kissed him like I missed him.
keeping my eyes closed because I knew if I stopped, if I let go.... he would know.
He would know the time apart is getting to me.. .and the time apart has only started. I didn't want him to carry that burden so soon after just leaving for 5 days... and for just coming home.

by the time I opened my eyes it was time for him to go again.
to leave.
but before he went he
did the rest of the laundry
cleaned the kitchen and did the dishes
made us lunch
washed my car
went grocery shopping
put our babies to bed
watered our yards
mounted the dishwasher
played Wii with the kids
slept next to me
and danced with me.
I opened my eyes and it was over.
the next 5 days had already started.